40 Mistakes Men Make in Bed!

40 Mistakes Men Make in Bed!

1.not kissing first Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out non-essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2.blowing too hard in her ear Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and as if you are trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3.not shaving You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion. It’s avoidance.

4.squeezing her breasts Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5.biting her nipples Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, and then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and s*** them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy isn’t.

6.twiddling her nipples Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between the finger and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7.ignoring the other parts of her body A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: breastville east and west, and the midtown tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you have ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8. Getting the hand trapped Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9. leaving her a little present Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10. Attacking the clitoris Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11. Stopping for a break Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’ not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12.undressing her awkwardly Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

13.giving her a wedgie during foreplay Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14.being obsessed with vagina Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt – so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15.massaging too roughly You are attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16.undressing prematurely don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.

17.taking your pants off first A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Loose the socks first.

18. Going too fast When you get to the *****-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pup away like an industrial power tool – she’ll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19.going too hard If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horse riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20.coming too soon Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21.not coming soon enough It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing marathon man.

22.asking if she has come You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask.

23.performing oral sex too gently Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24.nudging her head down Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-*****, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-*****. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25.not warning her before you climax Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.

26.moving around during fellatio Don’t thrust. She’ll do all moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.

27.taking etiquette advice from porn movies In x-rated movies, women seem to love when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28.making her ride on top for ages Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel like quiet so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29.attempting anal sex and pretending it was an accident This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.

30.taking pictures When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “– to show my buddies.” At least let her have custody of them.

31.not being imaginative enough Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and ******* it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32.slapping your stomach against hers There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.

33.arranging her in stupid poses If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34.looking for her prostate Read this carefully: anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don’t

35.giving love bites It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36.barking instructions Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn on.

37.talking dirty It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.

38.not caring whether she comes You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39.squashing her Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40.thanking her Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

Mastering the Male Orgasm

Mastering the Male Orgasm

Do you think you suffer from premature ejaculation? Don't fret -- here are some tips and techniques to help you slow it down. Wrap it. Some men find the sensation of sex without a condom too intense, causing them to lose control quickly. Think about when your troubles began. Perhaps you always used condoms while you were roving; then when you got a monogamous partner you shucked them. Over-sensitivity doesn't seem to be the main cause of premature ejaculation, however. The problem is usually pinned on anxiety and inexperience. Know yourself. It may have been in our evolutionary best interest to ejaculate quickly: Impregnate the female and move on before predators find you in a compromising position. According to this theory, "The ability to prolong intercourse is a learned response. To learn control, you must be aware of your sexual response and recognize when you're approaching "the point of no return." Before you get there, lessen the stimulation by slowing down or stopping. Once that feeling subsides, you resume until you reach the threshold again, then slow or stop, over and over. It takes practice -- time spent experimenting with masturbation or frequent sex with a patient partner. Anxiety is often part of the problem. You may have an underlying attitude that sex is shameful, and what's more, your past experiences have made you feel inadequate. So you're compelled to get the dirty deed done quickly, though at the same time you feel obliged to perform like a machine. We tend to think of the male orgasm as mechanical, a simple matter of friction. "It's an oversimplification". Sex and psychology can't be separated, even for men. If nothing else helps, therapy may. Numb it. Until recently, a popular option besides therapy and the start-and-stop technique was to desensitize the ***** with a topical anesthetic. "I don't really encourage them to go the anesthetic route," Montague says. It's messy and inconvenient, and it may make you so numb you won't feel anything. Take a pill. Doctors now prescribe SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) such as Prozac to men with premature ejaculation. Delayed ejaculation is a well-documented side effect of SSRIs. The downside is that they can also dampen your libido. Let off steam. After a long period of abstinence, you may be so hot and bothered that it's difficult to control your orgasm. Calm your libido with masturbation, and the thrill of a sexual encounter might not overwhelm you. Montague says it's a good solution for some, but not all. "Men with severe premature ejaculation seem to have the problem regardless," he says. You would have to get the timing right for it to help. Men have what's called a "refractory period" -- a length of time after ejaculation during which they can't have another orgasm. For some men, it's very short; for others, it lasts hours. Going, and Going, and Going ... Less common than premature ejaculation, but just as distressing, is the inability to have an orgasm -- known as anorgasmia or delayed ejaculation, and also by the ugly medical terms "ejaculatory incompetence" and "retarded ejaculation." If it's a persistent problem, consider these possible causes and solutions. Fatigue or stress. Men aren't always up for sex. Consider the time of day. Maybe you're having sex too late at night, when you can barely stay awake, or too early in the morning. Or perhaps worries invade your thoughts, to the effect of a cold shower. Find a way to relax first, rather than having sex to relax. Something is missing. There may be a certain turn-on that's absent from the sex you're having. Maybe you think it's kinky, and you're too embarrassed to tell your partner, so you keep having "normal" sex. Maybe you're not attracted to your partner, but you continue the sexual relationship for whatever reason. If you're not getting what you need, couples therapy or therapy for you alone may help. Prescription drugs. SSRIs, as mentioned before, can delay ejaculation. That's good for men who ejaculate too soon, but if you're taking an SSRI for something else, it can be a problem. Some antipsychotic drugs and blood-pressure medications may have this effect, too. Alcohol. It depresses your central nervous system, which can suppress your orgasm. Heavy drinking can also impair your ability to get an erection.